Tuesday 01 June 2010
The story begins for me a week before you arrived, I felt so beautiful and happy with you inside my womb.
So many people smiled at us, had some kind words or just a look of wonder in their eyes. Yes, the two of us, in a magic land. The stars shone brighter, they seemed closer, almost as if I could touch them. So calm and peaceful, so much love. You connecting me so close to Spirit.
On the 31st of May, your father was out running, I realised that a mucus plug had come out. I felt a twinge of excitement and anticipation, but also new it could be days before you came.
So Marc went to work and Ethan went to school and I got into bed and slept! Till 11o’clock. I swept and then went to fetch Ethan from school.
It was such a beautiful day, so after lunch, my mother, Ethan and I decided to walk to the beach. Ethan and I made sand castles with tunnels and we ate ice cream.I looked over the ocean – the crashing waves – birds flying…. BREATHE, I was so content. I felt your fathers love living inside me, he is always there steady and calm. WE walked to my mothers house and picked spinach to make a tart for supper. My mother mentioned to me that my mouth looked different, she said: “I think its going to happen soon.”
Ethan and I walked home, past friends along the way, a quick play?…. “Oh yes, I play soccer for South Africa” says Eth.
At home I made dinner, Ethan played and drew, Marc arrived home late…… friends came round for dinner.
Suddenly my waters broke. POP.
I looked at Marc with big eyes and said: “Marc, my waters just broke.”
Marc helped me clean up and I called Ciska the midwife…. it could still take time…. soon after the call, I started to feel mild contractions, our guests left…
The surges grow in strength, Marc hugs me and kisses me. “its all fine”.
I breathe, realising that your entrance into this world is imminent. BREATHE…..Marc smiles into my eyes and tells me he loves me. Love……BREATHE.
Marc starts to get things together, I light incense, we move to the room where its nice and warm.
The surges are coming quicker and stronger. I have to count breaths to get through. BREATHE deep, breathe in life, breathe out love. Just keep breathing I say to myself.
While I was having surges, I visualised the suns warmth and the warmth of the centre of the world and the warmth of my womb, your home for 38 weeks. I imagined the warmth surrounding us, holding us in our journey, your entrance into your worldly existence, from the spirit.
Its going so quickly, another surge. Its lovely, candles…. in between the surges, I sat between my legs, telling myself to welcome the next one., As each surge started I would get an amazing, deep huge
aching pain between my legs, I could feel my cervix opening, BREATHE.
I felt a part of everything and everything a part of me.
I had to vomit so much, suddenly I realised that this was just so intense, you where coming fast. I had to tell Marc to stay with me and breathe with me.
Call the midwife!
I just could not believe it was so fast it all happened so quickly.
I felt such love, such pain, such utter reverence for life and death and everything in between.
BREATHE – BREATHE -BREATHE
all I could do was sway and breathe… suddenly anxiety and a huge pressure, BREATHE and blood and oh, wow, now I can feel your head coming down… Its amazing, my body knows
exactly what to do, no head thinking, just pure, complete knowing. My body is so beautiful and strong.
Marc came to the toilet room where I had ended up. I felt your head and automatically squatted down. Marc’s eyes right here with me. I could feel the head crowning, I supported my perineum, burning sensations…..
Ethan woke up and came to see, “whats happening?”
I said “we having a baby”.
Now you where ready to come Mother, Father Brother all witness to your birth.
Your head was born and Marc supported your head, he told me to push again but my body had to wait for you to rotate your shoulders – all the way…… all the way…. Marc, Ethan, Love….
and I could push again.
Marc caught our precious baby and put you to my chest. An immense silence,,,,, RUSH.
God is here in these moments, right to the core of everything.
You, my child arrived in our home on the 1st of June 2010 at 1.16am.
My love for you is great, my heart, so huge, so open, so honoured, so excited to be with you, on this road of wondrous earthly life.